Eric drove me over to Fort Smith yesterday morning. I sat with Grandmother in her tiny room for four hours. I looked at old pictures that my Aunt Nancy had found and brought to her room. Many of them were of my mother as a baby that I'd never seen before. I thumbed through the old photo albums and my grandmother ran her hands over my shoulder and back. Her loving touch. I will miss it. About two hours before she died she was looking above her head and said, "I see angels." I wish I could have seen them too. I don't doubt they were there.
The missing her is the hard part. I don't know why I cry until I throw up but I do. Death feels yucky inside. It leaves you with change that you don't want. I wish my Grandmother was in her chair reading a book in her apartment and I would stop by and see her tomorrow. You know, one day I'll be able to do that again...stop by her house and see her again.
My Grandmother lived to be 92 years old. She followed Jesus her whole life. He was there with her through good times and bad, through happy times and sad. When she got to heaven yesterday there was a sign on her front door. It said -
The clouds may be heavy today but above them the Son shines brightly. Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted.
Living Under His Grace and Mercy,