Saturday, December 4, 2010


My grandmother is sitting at the feet of Jesus this morning.  She's been there 16 hours now.  What are they doing?  What has she seen?  Has she walked around the city yet?  What's her place look like?  She saw my mother an hour after I'd left her!  Did she tell her that she was just with me?

Eric drove me over to Fort Smith yesterday morning.  I sat with Grandmother in her tiny room for four hours.  I looked at old pictures that my Aunt Nancy had found and brought to her room.  Many of them were of my mother as a baby that I'd never seen before.  I thumbed through the old photo albums and my grandmother ran her hands over my shoulder and back.  Her loving touch.  I will miss it.  About two hours before she died she was looking above her head and said, "I see angels."  I wish I could have seen them too.  I don't doubt they were there. 

The missing her is the hard part.  I don't know why I cry until I throw up but I do.  Death feels yucky inside.  It leaves you with change that you don't want.  I wish my Grandmother was in her chair reading a book in her apartment and I would stop by and see her tomorrow.  You know, one day I'll be able to do that again...stop by her house and see her again.

My Grandmother lived to be 92 years old.  She followed Jesus her whole life.  He was there with her through good times and bad, through happy times and sad.   When she got to heaven yesterday there was a sign on her front door.  It said -


The clouds may be heavy today but above them the Son shines brightly.  Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted.

Living Under His Grace and Mercy,


  1. You have poignantly written about your loving grandmother, your “visual” of heaven, and your feelings of throw-up loss. I wished I had met your grandmother. But I will . . . one day. I am thinking your grandmother and mom and my mom may visit with each other and swap stories about their girls. My mom will tell your mom and grandmother how much she liked North Little Rock. She always wanted to move here. She even had her house picked out. When your grief is not so very overwhelming, one day go to and read about my longing for my mom entitled “Missing Mommie.” Thank you, dear one, for your words and for your loving heart that drives those words.

  2. What a beautiful post, Staci! My heart cries for you and your loss (my eyes are crying, too). Praying for you!

    Love you, sweet friend~

  3. Been thinking about you ever since I heard. Here's a hug, I'll deliver it in person soon.

  4. For everyone who has stopped by to read my blog this week - thank you! I so want to share my heart with you. Thanks for going on the journey with me.

  5. Thank you for sharing this. Bless your tender heart. Hugs.